The Tragic Loss of a Baby or a Young Child

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Everybody dreads the terrible loss of a baby or child, whether it be for medical reasons, an accident or by natural causes and I, as a Service Taker, find it the most difficult type of funeral service to conduct.

Again, there are many things to consider at this time. Perhaps one of your main thoughts will be whether to have a religious or non-religious service or ceremony depending on circumstances.

As normal, the Funeral Director will make all the appropriate arrangements for you, so that you don't have any additional worries.

Obviously, if you want a religious service, your local Priest or Minister will discuss the service with you.

However, if it is decided to have a non or part religious service, the service can be constructed to include poems and music that have a special meaning for you and your family. There are many pieces of music and also many poems that can be used at this type of service and are very comforting, especially as there will be no tribute to a long life, like there is at an adult's funeral service.

You need to fill this special and short service time with meaningful and comforting things - this will help your grieving process.

At some time, either now or in the future, you may need some kind of help or support to get you through this traumatic time.

At the bottom of this page you will find a few useful links to organizations who may be able to help you.

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Click on the links below to listen to Brahms Lullaby & Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, they take a minute or so to load, but it's worth it because they are both so beautiful.

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Young Children Need To Grieve.

I was looking at the NFDA website of Wisconsin - The thoughts below come from a piece that is accredited NFDA grief educator and minister Victor M. Parachin wrote - I then thought about his words and constructed this piece that conveys most of Mr. Parachin’s article – It is very enlightening, so please read it and it may help someone in your family or vicinity - Thank you to Mr. Parachin.
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Young children feel grief, sorrow and pain at losing someone who was close to them.

So, what can you do as a parent, grand parent, uncle or close family friend to help them get through this?

Be honest about death with the youngsters. It is hard to break the news to a child but honesty is the best policy.

It is not good for a child to find out the “secret” and then to be told “We thought that it was best not to tell you.”

Explaining death to a child as “Your mum has gone on a long journey” or “Your Granddad is just sleeping” may put fears into them of going on a journey or going to sleep.

It is far better to explain the meanings of different sayings - like “dead means a person’s body has ceased working and just won’t work any more.”
So, help the children to express their feelings. Encourage them to bring out their grief in tears and talk about their thoughts and feelings about death just like adults.

Try to be a good listener, children need to talk about the loss and their feelings connected to it just as adults do.

Let a child experience and express grief in their own way.
At this sad time children need to know they are loved to feel secure. Being near them during this difficult mourning process, parents and family members can help children to bear the pain.

Another important factor is not to hide your grief from children.

Seeing you grieve will let them know that it is normal and healthy to cry and feel sad about death.

People outside of the family can often provide much needed additional comfort, concern and care.

Please do not assume that children will just “get over this sad event.”

Whether you are dealing with a young child or a teenager, be thoughtful and provide all of the comfort and consolation you can.

Sometimes the words of a short poem or prayer can bring them great comfort.

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OUR BABY

In a baby castle, just beyond our eyes,
Our baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy.
Who are we, to wish that you had known this world of strife?
Now, play on, our Baby you have eternal life.
At night, when all is silent and sleep forsakes our eyes
We’ll hear your tiny footsteps come running to our side.
Your little hands caress us, so tenderly and sweet
We’ll breathe a prayer and close our eyes
And embrace you in our sleep.
Feelings we will treasure,
Sometimes they’ll make us sad,
Because, our little Baby
We are still your Mum and Dad.

GOODNIGHT AND BLESS YOU.

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You Were So Young.

We’ll never understand it
It was all so brief.
Why someone so little
The pain, the hurt, the grief.
At first we felt so bitter
Why?...we used to say.
God knew how much we loved you,
But still he took you away.
We still miss you as much today,
But now we understand
God makes us - and it’s up to him,
When he takes our hand

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Dreams.

Be not so desolate, because thy dreams have flown.
And the hall of the heart is empty and silent as stone,
As age left by children, sad and alone.

Those delicate children, thy dreams still endure,
All pure and lovely things wend to the pure.

Sigh not: unto the fold, their way was sure.
Thy gentle dreams, thy frailest,
Even those that were born and lost in a heart beat,
Shall meet thee there.
They are become immortal in shining air.
The unattainable beauty, the thought of which was pain,
That flickered in eyes and on lips, and vanished again;
That fugitive beauty thou shalt attain.

The lights inumerable, that lead thee on and on,
The masque of time ended, shall glow into one.

It shall be with thee forever, thy travel done.

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